July 10th, 2004

last night's mares

The worst was the one set in a Third World country where children who looked just like Miranda were dying of some awful disease. A long, dark chamber with an earthen floor was full of recent graves. For some reason, the parents started burying dying children before they were actually dead; soft underground cries could be heard echoing through the chamber.

The second worst was the one where Miranda was crying out in her sleep, and I was paralyzed in bed; I couldn't get up to help her.

The third worst was the one where I went to put Miranda in her crib, and accidentally dropped her on the floor. Luckily, it seemed like nothing was wrong with her, which is why this wasn't the worst.

The fourth worst was the one where my car was stolen, and in trying to report it, I spent half an hour fighting my way through the horrible ad-supported voice-activated menu tree of general entertainment information that the government had turned 911 into in order to boost revenues.

I know that last one is a cliche joke, but it was awfully frustrating in the dream:

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spread the word

My recent discovery of products like this at Amazon makes me think we should start a nationwide campaign. To participate, all you need to do is buy two things from Amazon at the same time: some right-wing screed book, and some product by Doc Johnson.

If we get enough people to do this, then eventually, people who go to buy, say, Ann Coulter's Treason on Amazon will see:

Customers who bought this book also bought:
-- MR. SOFTEE 7 INCH MULTI-SPEED MASSAGER VIBRATOR
-- ANAL PROBE BLACK
-- SPECTRAGELS ANAL BEADS PURPLE
-- BUTT PLUG SMALL

And then, of course, you should return the book, so Ann Coulter doesn't get any extra money.

Whether you keep the sex toy is up to you.